What I've Learnt During This Quarantine...

Firstly, I would just like to thank God for giving me the strength and opportunity to write this blog. And I pray that you will be blessed by what you read in Jesus Name Amen.

God has really used this quarantine period to teach me a lot of life lessons. The main lesson being the art of endurance.

Prior to this quarantine, I had the impression that I was pretty good at enduring but God has used this quarantine period to teach me what it really means to endure. Like most of us, I'm currently quarantining with my family and this experience has had its ups and downs. I never really recognised how different I am from my siblings until now. I mean I love my siblings but (God please forgive me) I don't really like them at the same time. I want y'all to imagine quarantining with people who piss you off practically every day, just imagine the torment to one's mental health. And funny enough as I am writing this, the Lord made me think about what it must be like for Him everyday loving us and having to tolerate our sinful behaviour, despite us knowing how much He hates sin. And to be honest I don't know why God puts up with us, the way in which my siblings have annoyed and offended me is nothing compared to how much I have annoyed and offended God.

The knot I feel in my stomach right now is a real indication to me is that I've been enduring a lot (by the Grace of God). Its literally come to the point that I've considered moving out several times, which is something that had never really crossed my mind prior to this quarantine period. There are many a times when I've wanted to lash out at my siblings and my family but the Lord has never allowed me to. He keeps me from doing these things because lashing out won't solve the problem, it may give me temporary relief at that moment but once that relief wears off I'll find myself regretting my actions and words. And by that time it would have been too late to rectify the situation because the damage would have already been done. I know the devil is trying to stir up trouble and push me to do or say something that I shouldn't but I declare that as long as my only Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ lives, he will never succeed in Jesus Name Amen.

Please don't get me wrong, God doesn't want us to bottle in our emotions because that's never good for anyone's mental health. But I believe that He wants to teach me how to react to situations, for instance if someone offends me to the point that I feel like going off on them, rather than react in the moment I need to take a step back and pray to God for Grace. The Grace to deal with the situation in a way that is pleasing to God. (Side note: that's why it's important to ask for the Grace to deal with situations in a way that Glorifies Him before you head out or when you when wake up in the morning so you're not taken unawares.)

One of the numerous ways I was offended by some family members during this quarantine was the lack of appreciation for the good I felt I had done for them. It's like I would do good for them and was either not respected, appreciated and what I intended to be for good would get thrown in my face. It got to a point that I was literally like they can sod off, from now on I will no longer expect their appreciation or approval because when you expect things from people they (in my opinion, or in my state of mind at the time) are more likely to disappoint you. And it's like God literally told me that I had gotten the wrong end of the stick, the question "so you thought the Good works I was doing through you was your works?" literally popped in me head. I just felt like dang, I was expecting love and appreciation for something that I didn't do. To be honest it kinda messed me up inside because it's like God showed me how I proud and arrogant I was for indirectly trying to claim credit for something that was His doing. What a lot of us fail to realise sometimes is that just because God uses us to doing something does not mean that we deserve any kind of credit because we are literally just gloves in the hands of the Creator. Even if we weren't obedient God could have easily used someone else. It's just like in the Bible with Saul and David in 1st Samuel, when Saul messed up God already had David lined up to be king of Israel. Think about it this way, credit is never given to the paintbrush used by an artist, rather the credit is always given to the artist.

I feel like I've kind of drifted off topic but where the Spirit leads! But anyway, just last night I was trying to get some sleep but I couldn't because my heart felt so heavy and troubled as result of an incident that had happened earlier that day, which as you've probably guessed involved family members. I found myself aimlessly watching YouTube videos to distract me from my thoughts and how I was feeling and then the Lord brought me to Letitia Wright's testimony. Just in case you don't know her by her real name, she played Shuri in the film Blank Panther. It was kind of weird because I hadn't even typed up her testimony in the search bar and its like the devil was trying to discourage me from watching her testimony because I had watched it before. But the Lord (thank You Jesus) didn't allow me to turn it off and towards the end of her testimony she mentioned Galatians 6:8. I then, through the guidance of the Holy Spirit, found myself reading verse 9 of that chapter as well and then it hit me. If you haven't read this verse or don't remember what it is about, it says:

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

(NIV Bible)

This verse was and is for me. I was tired of doing good because it was like the good I felt I did was either unappreciated or would backfire. I would look at some of my family members and it appeared that their wrongs were working in their favour. I found myself asking questions like "what's the point?". This verse was God's reassurance to me that I shouldn't give up on obeying Him and trying to do good. And when I tell y'all this verse brought me so much comfort and I thank God that He sought to heal my heart and bring me peace even when I hadn't come to Him initially for help with the situation.

God helped me to reach an epiphany in two stages: firstly, he helped me to realise that I had no right to expect credit or appreciation for something that was not my doing and secondly, he encouraged me to be obedient no matter the outcome.

The moral of my testimony is to always trust in God, don't give up on obeying Him no matter how hard it gets because He will always come through for you. And whenever you feel some kind of way or something has happened, always come to God about it and He will speak to you through one way or another. I put that on errthing!

Just in case you would like to listen to Letitia Wright's testimony, here's the link to the video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hZqpSTdFfU